U mad, bro?: Readers rant about Steelers strategy, Josh Bell trade, JuJu ‘Yelping’ Primanti Bros.

We are three days removed from a Steelers win. Enough happy holiday levity. I’m done with Christmas feel-good drivel.

Let’s get back to our nuts and bolts. Let’s get back to what made “Breakfast With Benz” great.

The “Four A’s”: Angst. Agitation. Animosity. Anger.

Time to get the gravel in the gut going. Like the way you feel when you say, “Sure. I’ll have that week-old turkey sandwich and wash it down with the eggnog that may have been on the counter an hour or two too long.”

I see your “Ho! Ho! Ho!,” and I’ll raise you a “U mad, bro?”

So here it is. One last venting session for 2020! Let’s go out with a bang!

Or at least an audible grumble.

Jeff hated Mike Tomlin’s clock management at the end of the first half of Sunday’s game against the Indianapolis Colts.

@TimBenzPGH @MarkMaddenX @RonCookPG @colin_dunlap There's no excuse not to call a timeout before the Colts 3rd down play before half time! Those are the things ppl hate about Tomlin, the absolute worst game/time management coach in history!

— Coach Jeff (@JeffB66545214) December 27, 2020

I didn’t like it either, Jeff. If you are going to bother calling the timeout before the punt, then call timeout before third down, too.

Initially, I thought he wasn’t calling a timeout at all because he didn’t want to put his hideous offense back on the field.

At that point of the game, with the way it was playing, I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t want to watch an extra possession either. I thought Tomlin was doing us a favor.

But when they got the ball back with only 14 seconds left, what were they going to do? Scramble their way into position for a 45-yard field goal that Tomlin wouldn’t let Matthew Wright kick anyway?

John wanted to reply to some of my commentary about the Christmas Eve trade of Josh Bell.

Did you honestly expect them to be competitive next season? This team is in such sad shape that keeping Bell or trading Bell really makes no difference either way. The biggest disappointment with this trade is that there’s STILL no catching or corner infield depth to be found.

— John Florence (@jarkie2016) December 24, 2020

Let’s focus on that last line, John.

Because if you give away a 27-year-old that still has power in his bat (when he makes contact), shouldn’t you get some of those elements you mentioned in return? For the Major League club?

Instead, they just got two more versions of pitchers they always get in trades like this. One middle-of-the-road guy that’ll never be anything more than long relief or a back-of-the-rotation roller coaster.

And a prospect who — no doubt — will suffer two significant arm injuries, or get bitten by a shark, or struck by lightning, before he reaches the Major Leagues five years from now.

Turn the calendar to 2021. But keep us stuck in 2016.

Dave is upset that JuJu Smith-Schuster ripped the Primanti Bros. location in Market Square.

Wow! JuJu did that? He shouldn’t have done that. I had beers there and ate there a lot over the years, I never had an issue with the service. Most of my visits were on game day and the service was still good in my opinion. Businesses are struggling why add to their hardships?

— Dave Pape (@davepape64) December 29, 2020

Agreed. But who wants to take this bet?

It’s New Year’s Day at 12:01 a.m. The ball has just dropped. And JuJu is live streaming from right outside that same Primanti Bros., elbow deep in an oversized bag of cap-n’-egg sandwiches, chucking them around Market Square to anyone that decided to blow off the quarantine and happens to be passing by.

We’ve all been conned, people! It’s a work. It’s a scripted baby-face turn of epic Pittsburgh proportions.

JuJu ran out of logos to stomp. So he needed something else to leverage. From hero-to-goat-to-heel-to-Instagram idol.

This is the new arc of American hero worship. Love it. Embrace it. And order it with extra slaw and fries.

New England coach Bill Belichick is going to finish under .500 for the first time since 2000. And former quarterback Tom Brady is in the playoffs with Tampa Bay.

Glenn wants to kick Belichick while he’s down. For that, I can’t blame Glenn. Who doesn’t enjoy that?

But his logic is … a bit off.

“Bill Belichick is showing that he’s every bit as good a coach now as he was in 1994 when Bill Cowher’s Steelers beat the Browns three times in a single season.

This is the true Belichick that the Patriots hired in 2000. He hit the lottery with Brady and hence the ‘genius’ title was born. The rest of us knew the truth all along.”

You’re right Glenn. You knew it.

Belichick won six Super Bowls and went to three others without having a single clue what he was doing. He coached his way there with his head firmly positioned up his own backside.

Look at that 1994 Browns team as evidence. Because that year — much like with Brady — Belichick had another legendary quarterback who carried him to the playoffs.

And that gift to signal-calling was none other than Vinny Testav…

Well, anyway. Moving on. You’re still right. I mean, remember that one year in New England Brady got hurt? They were a disaster. They finished, um, 11-5.

But Brady had a great backup that year. Wasn’t it (checks notes) … Matt Cassel?!

OK. Uh. Oh, yeah! Spygate! Let’s talk about Spygate!

Here’s an email from Bill about baseball. He thinks the Pirates should’ve tried to land Blake Snell from Tampa Bay before the San Diego Padres did.

“I wonder if Pirates tried to trade for Blake Snell? He would have been the ace of the staff for years to come. Pirates just do not get it right when it comes to trades.”

No, Bill. They don’t.

Hey. You know what I wonder? I wonder if — on New Year’s Day — I’ll wake up next to Margot Robbie on a secluded Caribbean Island. I wonder if we’ll be laying on pillows stuffed with million-dollar bills. And I wonder if we’ll be sipping coronavirus-vaccine-mimosas while watching an eight-team college football playoff.

Then I wonder if we’ll go unicorn riding before our yacht trip, where Stevie Ray Vaughan is booked to perform just for us via a private Zoom performance from heaven.

Granted, my scenario is much more likely to happen than yours. But we can both dream, right?

Finally, I don’t know who sent me this. It was an unsigned MMS message that wound up in my email.

“Hi Wendy,

The Steelers pulled themselves out from a deficit of 17 points to win the game and stay alive for the playoffs!

A fabulous effort of MAJOR determination!!

I wish l watched it. Did you?”

Well, good friend, it was indeed an effort of “MAJOR determination”!! I did watch it. And, FYI, they were qualified for the playoffs already. So nothing to sweat there.

I figured I’d reply to you this way as opposed to directly through my email. Never can be too careful. So many scammers out there, right?

Anyway, gotta run. I’m in the middle of a very complicated exchange with a Saudi prince who is being kept in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. I gotta figure out a way for me to wire him some funds for his legal defense. He only needs to raise $20,000 more before New Year’s Day.

Fingers crossed!

Sincerely,

Wendy