Meredith Elizalde: State leaders disdain gun victims

Six years ago, my son, Nick, and I were standing in the cold for hours, waiting for the Super Bowl championship parade to begin. Our beloved Eagles had won. The energy was electric. I’ve felt nothing like that connection before or since. Nick was wearing a fuzzy, plush hat in the shape of an eagle’s head. We couldn’t feel our feet, but we were so excited and happy. Looking back, this was one of the best times we shared. I thought we’d have decades to make new memories. But that wasn’t the case.

Nick was killed in the mass shooting at Roxborough High School in Philadelphia in September 2022. Five gunmen shot up Nick’s football game. I ran to save him, hoping to take the bullet for him, as any mother would. But I didn’t run fast enough. God gave me the extreme honor of holding my son as he died. I laid on the ground with him and told him that I loved him. Nick was unconscious, gasping periodically. The whites of his eyes still haunt me.

Over 60 shots were fired; Nick took a direct shot to the heart. God told me that these were my final moments with Nick on this earth and thankfully, I was able to calm down and speak softly to my son. I wanted his death to be as peaceful as possible.

This is what our country has become. There is a national prioritization of the Second Amendment over the right to live. This has always disgusted me, but now that disgust has formed a cocktail with rage, PTSD, extreme depression and an overwhelming desire to avenge.

I don’t feel much anger toward the shooters themselves. I mostly feel nothing at all toward them, which is a blessing from God. That would harden my heart beyond repair and send me down a permanent rabbit hole. My rage is directed toward the lawmakers who ignore the incessant gun violence and utter chaos that permeates our nation.

I testified in front of the Pennsylvania State House Judiciary Committee in March 2023, six months after Nick was killed. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I went into the hearing knowing there are those on the committee who believe it is a point of pride to block any attempt at commonsense gun laws, no matter what. I gave detailed testimony of my sweet, funny boy who loved sports, history and Marvel. My precious only child who attended one of the only agricultural high schools in the country, WB Saul High School, my gifted artist, the joy of my life, my road dog, my twin soul. As I did this, I was shown extreme disrespect by some committee members who never once looked at me as I spoke. I wish I could say that it’s unbelievable, but I wasn’t surprised at all. I was then mocked on my way out by a member of the gun lobby. This experience has never left me.

While many in Harrisburg are supportive, many are not. Two out of four of those bills passed in the House. Now the Senate must pass them. However, they have not yet made it to the floor because the Senate Judiciary Committe is blocking them. I have repeatedly requested a meeting with State Senate President Pro-tempore Kim Ward. She has refused to take a meeting with me. Instead, her office emailed their condolences.

Those condolences are false and useless. In fact, they are further adding to my rage cocktail.

Gov. Josh Shapiro invited me to the Capitol for his budget address, in which the legislators were present. I was seated in the balcony behind the governor. Directly underneath me on the steps were several high-ranking officials, including Ward. The governor’s budget allots $100 million and statewide office for gun violence prevention. When Shapiro announced this, a photo of Nick on his first day of ninth grade was displayed on the screens. Nick only made it four weeks into 9th grade. 14 years old. I was so proud to see my kind, handsome boy on the screens.

Many of those in attendance gave Nick a standing ovation and they showed me on the screen. I was fighting back tears. Directly beneath me, Lt. Gov. Austin Davis and Speaker of the House Joanna McClinton stood and turned to face me, clapping. Ward, next to Davis, remained seated and scrolled on her phone. She did not look at my amazing boy’s photo or me. She ignored us. How could any mother disrespect a school shooting victim in this way? It’s inexcusable. Vile.

This is the woman who nearly singlehandedly controls gun legislation in our state. She has the power to prevent more children from being slaughtered at school. She has the power to prevent more mothers from feeling the absolute, unceasing torment and despair I feel. Her behavior tells me all I need to know about her true intentions and feelings toward Nick and all the other victims and survivors.

I urge you, the people of Western Pennsylvania, to stand up. Your children’s lives are at stake. I was a great mother. I did everything I could to give my son the best life possible. But it’s now a losing battle when those in power make it so that we cannot effectively protect our children. The Second Amendment won’t soothe your heartache when your child is murdered. The legislators who work for you won’t be there when you’re crying in the fetal position. Guns won’t help you navigate your new form of parenting.

I will never be called “Mom” again. I will never have grandchildren. My entire identity has collapsed. My motherhood was taken. I am now searching for ways to parent Nick and maintain our relationship. I focus my maternal instinct and energy on the safety of all of our children. I am out here fighting tirelessly despite the crushing pain that I feel every single minute. Kim Ward remains seated. Western Pennsylvania, give someone else that chair. She doesn’t deserve it.