Lori Falce: The tarnished crown of being a princess

Like most little girls, I went through a phase where I wanted to be a princess.

It lasted until my early 40s.

You have to admit the position has a lot to recommend it. Castles. Plural — as if one castle wasn’t enough. A very real possibility of promotion to queen. How many people get to wear ball gowns professionally? And the crowning glory? Crowns. Really, the job sells itself.

It was more than just a fairy tale affair. As a history buff, I was drawn to the way princesses — either the kind born to the job like Sleeping Beauty or the ones who married in like Cinderella — shaped their real-world kingdoms, from England to France to the Ottoman Empire and Russia.

I also came by it naturally. My Philadelphian mother was a big fan of Princess Grace of Monaco, who started her life in the City of Brotherly Love. Mom also shared a birthday with Diana, Princess of Wales, so following royalty in our house was just what you did. We were definitely the people who got up before dawn to watch royal weddings.

The lives and deaths of both beautifully blonde princesses were what made me realize that a castle is just a beautifully appointed zoo, and princess is a job that looks better in a storybook than real life.

Today, the new generation of princesses is getting the same obsessive media and public attention that their predecessors did, but I’m watching with fresh eyes.

As the United Kingdom — and anglophiles everywhere — watched the celebration of Queen Elizabeth II’s Platinum Jubilee this week, there was much speculation about the Duchess of Cambridge’s parenting when her youngest, Prince Louis, became fussy and antsy during the Trooping of the Color parade and smothered his mother’s face with a hand at one point.

As a mom, I empathized. Your kids always act their worst when you need them on their best behavior, whether you are a line cook or in line for the throne. My son once head-butted me so hard at the movies, I thought I was going blind. Not deaf though — I definitely heard the comments of older ladies judging my disciplinary skills.

The judgment leveled at Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, is even worse. I don’t advise anyone to visit the dark waters of online message boards, but if you did, you would see vile, racist commentary about the American actress turned princess. Her parenting isn’t in question; there are wild conspiracy theories about how she faked the pregnancies that resulted in her children Archie and Lilibet with Prince Harry.

The Sussexes left England in 2020, relocating to America and stepping away from being senior royals with the responsibilities that entails, while the Cambridges are stepping up to take on more as the queen is aging and was widowed in 2021.

The speculation about rifts between the brothers and the relationship between their wives is rampant.

It’s enough to make a girl not want to be a princess anymore. All in all, I prefer a democratic republic to a constitutional monarchy, and a castle seems to be the ultimate glass house. The perks just can’t make up for downsides of life in a palace.

I’d still like a crown, though.