Lori Falce: Board games and learning to lose

Oh, the agony of defeat.

No one likes to lose, but it’s an important life skill everyone has to pick up along the way. You can’t learn to walk without struggling to keep your balance and winding up on your butt now and then. Every chess grandmaster earned his rank by having his king knocked over a few times. Even Serena Williams has had to watch someone else get the trophy.

So, if it’s something that happens to everybody, how did we all forget how to lose?

The SEC fined the University of Tennessee $250,000 this week after fans hurled trash onto the field in the waning seconds of a loss to Ole Miss on Saturday. Mississippi’s coach, Lane Kiffin, was struck by a golf ball, and Tennessee’s cheerleaders had to run for cover. All because fans attributed the controversial 31-26 final score to a blown call.

While I’d like to say this is a Southern thing, that would be a lie. As a Penn State fan, I saw plenty of vitriol spewed on message boards after a loss Oct. 9 to Iowa. But, then, Nittany Lions fans tend to riot when they win more than when they lose.

It isn’t even a sports-only occurrence. Politics has become rife with sore-loserdom. Much as everyone might want to ascribe it to their ideological opposites, it’s a bipartisan fact of life that has been growing for more than 20 years. “Not my president!” has been shouted by both sides, and if the ante on that keeps being upped, that seems to be the way the game is played now.

When did we decide that the game is rigged if we don’t come out on top? More importantly, how do we recapture an appreciation for playing to win but still shaking hands and moving on when we lose?

I’d suggest more board games with kids. Some Candy Land, some Chutes and Ladders. Maybe not Monopoly. I’ve seen families torn apart by a hotel on Park Place. Also, after a game drags on too long, I have been known to cheat just to lose and bring it to an end.

But there is a lot you can pick up from the roll of the dice or the spin of a wheel.

I’ve seen my niece learn that Hi Ho Cherry-O can turn on a dime if you just keep playing by the rules instead of flipping the board. I’ve seen my nephews take off their headphones and actually interact with family during card games on holidays and not care at all who won. My son and I have been playing Sorry lately, gleefully attacking each other and just as gleefully insisting on a rematch after a loss instead of an instant replay.

It would be too easy to credit this loss of the fine art of losing to the rise of participation trophies and helicopter parents since it isn’t necessarily the kids who expect to always win. Regardless of who or what is to blame, it’s important that everyone remember that the thrill of victory is exciting, but we learn more — and more often — from that agonizing defeat.