Elon Musk is crying out for an intervention. Do ghosts in the Twitter machine exist who can perform Scrooge-style visitations on the misbegotten magnate and help him reclaim his wayward soul?

It’s hard to picture such a natural born, amoral, noxious blowhard awakening as a reborn and glorious Christmas butterfly, as Ebenezer did. The man is patently and preposterously impervious to self-reflection. One can imagine Musk mocking and eye rolling as the earnest, hackneyed spirits work in vain to convert him to an abiding sense of compassion and charity toward others and away from narcissistic self-obsession.

Could the final grim, ghastly spirit scare him straight with a vision of his human mortality? Nah. Death is for losers and plebs. Elon is planning to upload his irreplaceably precious consciousness to cyberspace, beyond the reach of silly morality tales, where he will rule for all eternity as the all- powerful Ghost Lord of The Machine. All those woke Dickensian ghosts will be banned and abolished for trying to spiritually dox him.

God help us every one.

David Ninehouser

Ambridge

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