Letter to the editor: Arming our schools

After the horrific Uvalde school shooting, Americans demand radical reform.

The letter “Solution to school shootings” said, “Make every school a hard target with one entrance with an armed guard and a metal detector; keep all other doors locked. Protect a school like a Tiffany jewelry store. Allow teachers with training to carry concealed pistols. Problem solved.”

That’s tactically unsophisticated, albeit well-intentioned. Can pistol-packing educators withstand an AR-15 shooting hundreds of rounds per minute?

Of course not. Instead, both teachers and students should form a combat infantry platoon. Each classroom should feature grenade launch capability as well as fully automatic rifle fire. The Constitution guarantees elementary students’ Second Amendment rights, not to mention corresponding force deployment duties.

This also solves a problem not anticipated in the letter: Who guards the guardians? The kid wearing the Pinkalicious T-shirt, that’s who! When every class can reenact the final scene from “Reservoir Dogs,” there’ll be no threats from within.

In case of perimeter breach, battalion HQ — sorry, the principal’s office — should be able to call in air support if needed, coordinate fire suppression, launch a counterattack, and mop up.

With luck, none of this should interfere with standardized testing.

Eugene V. Torisky Jr.

Latrobe