Editorial: Shared grief and the tragedies of McIntire shooting, Hamlin injury

There is a difference between sorrow and grief.

Sorrow is the emotional state we feel when confronted by great loss or devastating disappointment. It isn’t depression, but it might lead there.

Grief is different. It is a process that one goes through while experiencing the crushing blows of a trauma. Psychologists will tell you about the steps and the stages, from denial and anger to bargaining and acceptance.

How long grief lasts is different for everyone, even when mourning the same loss. What makes it easier? Nothing. But what can make it bearable can be sharing it.

On Monday, the game between the Cincinnati Bengals and Buffalo Bills became an experience of shared shock and sorrow, not just for the 65,000 or so people in the seats at Paycor Stadium but for the millions of people watching on TV. They saw Bills defensive back Damar Hamlin stand up after a tackle, reach for his face mask and topple to the ground.

Players from both teams stood shocked as he was taken off the field. The crowd appeared stunned and silent.

It was a story that would resonate even more in Southwestern Pennsylvania because Hamlin wasn’t just any NFL player from a team the Steelers might face any Sunday afternoon. He is a 24-year-old athlete from McKees Rocks who played for Central Catholic in high school and did his college ball at Pitt. He is one of our own.

At the same time, the area was dealing with another shared tragedy. A two-day manhunt that started on New Year’s Day ended Monday afternoon with the death of Brackenridge police Chief Justin McIntire. Tarentum police Officer Jordan Schrecengost was shot in the leg in the same incident. Suspect Aaron Lamont Swan Jr., 28, of Duquesne was later shot and killed in the Homewood-Brushton neighborhood of Pittsburgh.

It is not the first time a police officer has been killed in the area. It is all too familiar. The annual awarding of the Brian Shaw memorial scholarship just happened, commemorating the service of the Lower Burrell resident and New Kensington officer killed by line-of-duty gunfire in 2017. Lower Burrell patrolman Derek Kotecki was killed in an ambush in 2011. Pennsylvania has had over 1,000 officers die on the job, almost half due to gun shots.

McIntire was well known. He was, by all reports, a good guy who was liked by the people he served and loved by friends and family.

“I am literally broken,” his wife, Ashley, said on Facebook. “My entire world gone in a blink of an eye. … I can’t even put into words how great of a person my husband was.”

The people dealing with their trauma from the Hamlin hit and the stress of waiting for word of his outcome have dealt with it actively. An old GoFundMe for his Chasing M’s Foundation sought $2,500 for a toy drive at a McKees Rocks daycare. As of 4 p.m. Tuesday, a flood of support has brought in more than $4.6 million with no signs of stopping.

The community has turned out regularly in remembrance and support of Shaw’s and Kotecki’s legacies of service. While a motorcycle ride or awarding a check doesn’t blunt the sorrow, it can help with the grieving.

While the McIntire family and the Brackenridge area deal with their grief, let us hope there is a way for everyone to come together to go through the process, leaning on each other and honoring his memory.