What to give up for Lent? Here are 5 Pittsburgh-specific things

Call it Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras, today is D-Day for deciding what to give up for the 40 days of Lent.

Practically everyone vows to abstain from something like chocolate, social media, television or swearing — but how many really follow through? Five days in and you’re sneaking a candy bar or looking “just this once” at Instagram or Netflix. Then you curse yourself for your weakness and give up altogether.

I think for Lent this year I’m just going to give up

— Meghan (@mmosakowski18) March 3, 2019

Maybe the key to success is fasting from something geographically specific and personally meaningful. In that vein, here are five things we yinzers can give up for Lent:

1. Paying attention to Antonio Brown. If the NFL trade planets align, he could be out of sight and out of mind for the Steelers before Lent is over. In this season of prayer and contemplation, add to your peace of mind by ignoring the self-serving ramblings of Mr. Big Chest.

2. Worrying about how the Pirates will do this season. Manager Clint Hurdle has a feeling the Bucs are “about to do something special.” Owner Bob Nutting says the club is “absolutely positioned to take another meaningful step forward and get us back into that range where we have a very good shot at playoffs.” Pay no attention to the paltry payroll! The great and powerful Nutting has spoken — even if the terms “range” and “good shot” were purposefully vague. Will the glory days ever return?

Former Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter in 1970 while high on LSD (acid).

— Basketball Facts (@ABasketballPage) March 4, 2019

3. Getting mad when outsiders still refer to Pittsburgh as a gritty industrial city. Never mind that it’s been more than 30 years since the steel industry boomed in the Steel City, some outsiders still envision Pittsburgh as “hell with the lid off.” Do we really care that our great universities, hospitals, restaurants and arts venues struggled for years to get national recognition? It’s like when your favorite indie band suddenly gets big, and you wish they were still your little secret. Do we really want the ‘Burgh to go full Seattle or Portland? The Parkway is crowded enough as it is.

You know you’re from #Pittsburgh when…??
?https://t.co/EhveyeExoJ

— Cathy Wanserski (@CathyWSellsPgh) March 1, 2019

4. Slowing down outside the Squirrel Hill tunnel. It’s just a tunnel, it’s not the maw of hell. Nothing bad will happen if you enter it going the speed limit.

The Penguins need one of these for player introductions. But make it look like the Squirrel Hill Tunnel. And the players have to exit slowly if it snows or rains or is sunny: pic.twitter.com/retVkgxAbP

— Seth Rorabaugh (@SethRorabaugh) January 20, 2019

5. Worrying about anything having to do with Philadelphia. They can stay on their end of the turnpike, we’ll stay on ours. They can sit by the statue of their imaginary hero, Rocky, and eat their cheese steaks, and we’ll sit next to the statue of Roberto Clemente, a real hero, and eat our Primanti’s sandwiches. With fries. And cole slaw. And a fried egg.

Just make it a fish sandwich during Lent.